Don't stop thinking about tomorrow

(image: Pinterest)

Two leaving dos, three last days and countless goodbye hugs later and I've finally left my job. I've spent the last three years in a job I absolutely love, helping teenage cancer patients to stay engaged with education during their treatment.  Although I technically finished my job at the end of August, I was asked to come back last week, challenged with the task of handing over my job and everything that went with it to my replacement. It was so strange to be introducing somebody else to all the families I've spent so long working with and saying "as of next week, this is who you'll need to speak to instead of me", there's a part of me that is itching to phone up the office and check that she's remembered to speak to so and so about what we discussed last week, or to ask her to check with such and such's school about the whatdyamacallit. I've never been in a position where I've left a job I truly cared about before, and it has made me strangely protective of it. 

I'm trying really hard to put my slightly obsessive attitude towards my old job to one side and let the new girl have her new beginning there in peace, whilst in the meantime I focus on my own new start. This week I've got my induction and registration day for my PGCE and in a few weeks I'll be let loose in front of gaggles of secondary school students whilst I try and teach them English. To say I'm scared is an understatement, but I'm also incredibly excited. I've gone from a job where I felt like an expert, and suddenly I'm at the bottom of the ladder again. But actually, that's not a bad thing at all, I'm excited to challenge myself, learn lots of new skills and become an expert in something new.

So here we go. Teaching, I'M READY FOR YA.

(If somebody could remind me of this positivity in a month or so when I'm drowning under piles of lesson plans and marking it'd be very much appreciated...)

Don't Stop- Fleetwood Mac

Lighting the cracks in the road

image: Pinterest

This afternoon I went to the funeral of a 15 year old cancer patient I've known for most of the time I've worked in the world of teenage cancer. It was incredibly sad to be at a funeral for someone so young, but I think every person took away a really positive message from the day. He'd always been a massive inspiration, and will forever stick out in my mind out of all the kids I've had the chance to work with as I'd never met anyone with as much spark and love of life. 

Since being told he wasn't going to get better around this time last year, he had set about pursuing a bucket list, with everything from swimming with sharks to going to his prom being on there. With the help of his friends and family he managed to complete an incredible amount and had some brilliant adventures out of it. Top of his bucket list was to go to America and visit New York, which amazingly he managed to do just a few weeks ago despite being so ill by this point. As a celebration of his enthusiasm to grab life by both hands and achieve everything he could in the time he had, his family arranged for a bucket to be placed at the front of the crematorium. They then proceeded to hand out post it notes to everybody so we could all pledge to start our own bucket lists and make a promise to him to do something new or aim for a particular goal. The post it notes were then going to be put into the coffin with him so we'd all be sure to keep our promises. 

For any curious people out there, my promise was that one day soon I'd make it to America too. Partly for him, but also for my Uncle Stuart who also visited New York before he died back in April. Since both people absolutely fell in love with the place, I feel like its only right I go and see what all the fuss is about someday!

Even at his own funeral he managed to be a huge inspiration, with every single person there coming away from there feeling inspired to go out and live their dreams for someone who couldn't do that for himself any more. 

What's at the top of your bucket list? I'm nosey and would love to know :)

Carry Me- Bombay Bicycle Club

And I'll never look back, just hold your head up

When I tell people that I work with teenage cancer patients, I often find myself cringing as I wait for their reaction. All to often I get a pained expression of sympathy that I have to do such a 'sad' job, and others just look at me like I'm absolutely mad for wanting to work in such a 'depressing' job. Its a good measure of people though, if somebody reacts and says something like "that must be really rewarding" or even just a "ooh that sounds like an interesting job" I generally have far more respect for people with that sort of reaction rather than somebody who has an automatic assumption that my job is all doom and gloom. 

Ok, so there are times when inevitably working in the big bad world of cancer is pretty tough as sadly not everybody has a happy ending, but 99% of the time its actually a pretty brilliant place to work. Cancer patient or not, the kids are still just normal teenagers most of the time and some of them are bloody hilarious... I had one 16 year old yesterday who was telling me that she was planning a house party at the weekend because her Mum and Dad were going out all the while her non-English speaking Dad was sat right next to us thinking she was telling me about how college was going. 

One thing my job really has taught me is perspective. I know so many kids who've had to go through some truly horrible, life changing stuff. I know a fair few who've lost a limb to cancer but they somehow manage to get through that and still come out of it the other end with a smile and a crazy amount of determination to make their future everything they've ever wanted and more, seizing every opportunity because they're just so thrilled they've got their lives back. It really makes me think about things if I've had a bad day or if something is getting me down. Moping about things doesn't get you anywhere- having determination to pick yourself up and make things better is what life is all about. Cancer doesn't have to be the end of the world for the teenagers I work with, and our own problems don't have to be the end of our world either. Life is for living and enjoying, none of us know how long we've got on this planet but we really owe it to ourselves to make the most of it and do everything we can to enjoy it.

Image: Pinterest

Falling- Haim

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities

I've never felt the need to write a post about a book before. I read a lot (I was always that child with her nose buried in a book at family parties, and always need a great big pile of books to take on holiday with me), but there's not really been a book I've ever seen as significant enough to blog about before. Until I read a book that led me to cry like an absolute baby on the train back from Edinburgh a few weeks ago. This is something that NEVER happens to me. I didn't cry when I saw Les Mis, I didn't cry when I read One Day, I didn't cry when I saw The Notebook for the first time (I have cried at it once but that was only because I was having a VERY BAD DAY). I'm just really not a crier. So if that doesn't prove just how powerful John Green's The Fault in Our Stars is, I don't know what will.

The book is a story about a 16 year old called Hazel, who has been living with terminal cancer throughout her teenage years. She meets a boy, a 17 year old called Augustus who lost his leg due to bone cancer, at a support group who changes her life. Despite her reservations about getting too close to people when she has such a bleak future ahead, Hazel just can't help but fall for Augustus. 

Yes, its a book about cancer. But, its not really a book about cancer. Inevitably you can't have a book narrated by a girl with a terminal disease without there being a lot of emotion involved, but this isn't a book about dying by any stretch. Its a beautiful story about life, love and wishes. Despite Augustus only having one leg and Hazel having to carry an oxygen tank around wherever she goes, they're still just normal kids, albeit a lot more deep and philosophical than your average teenagers but that's just one of those side effects that comes with their disease.

When I first picked up this book, part of me was thinking I'd gone a bit mad bringing my work life into my bedtime reading. I work as a Learning Mentor for teenage cancer patients being treated in Yorkshire, and so unfortunately I know all to well just how horrible the world of teenage oncology can be sometimes. So many people ask how I can do my job and cope with being surrounded by such a sad situation every day. And, honestly, most of the time I really don't see it as a heartbreaking place to be. I work with some of the loveliest patients who, despite being faced with awful treatment and an incredibly scary disease, are still just completely normal in every other sense of the word. Its not a depressing place to work, its actually pretty uplifting most of the time, and that's exactly how it is in The Fault in Our Stars.

Seriously, give it a read. I challenge you not to fall in love with Augustus Waters.